Manage Your Anxiety
April 21, 2024
Forrest Gump reminded us that we can not control life’s outcomes when he said, “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get.” Some people are like him and respond well to uncertainty while others feel anxious and concerned about not being able to control what’s in the box, let alone if they’re going to like what they chose. If only we could all be like Forrest!
It’s a reality that we all experience anxiety. Despite it not being an enjoyable feeling, anxiety isn’t always bad. How you respond to it, however, can be.
Anxiety is your response to a real or imagined threat, and it’s up to you to determine whether or not the very thing you’re feeling anxious about is a real threat or a threat you are fearful of facing. In other words, is your worry about something that’s happening now or something that might happen?
If you’re driving down the road and a car almost hits you, you’re experiencing a real threat. It’s an anxiety that serves you well as it alerts you to a real danger for which your automatic response is beneficial.
If afterward, you feel anxious when driving, then your acute anxiety has become chronic anxiety. It’s that automatic fear of something that could happen which can be risky in and of itself – for example, you drive too slowly on a highway or slam on your brakes every time you think someone is driving dangerously near you.
Learning to decipher your anxiety is necessary as it helps to manage your reactions to it. With this awareness comes the ability to differentiate real threats from imagined threats – like not automatically fearing you’re going to get into a car accident.
Knowing that you're not in a real-time risky situation creates the time and space to consider what you’re feeling and alternative ways to respond. It seems obvious, but if this awareness-raising step is overlooked, so is the opportunity to regulate your reactions. When you understand your feelings and can identify choices for how you will respond, you can also learn to regulate your feelings.
Several years ago I was on a flight to California with my husband and young children when the captain informed us that the flaps on the plane were not opening, and we had to prepare for an emergency landing. We were quickly trained on how to brace ourselves for what was to be a very rough landing and what to do if a quick exit was needed. We spent the next hour circling the airport to use up fuel, give the airport time to clear the other runways, and get firetrucks and ambulances ready – just in case they were needed. This was, in no uncertain terms, an anxious time. We were facing a real threat.
About forty minutes later, the captain announced that the flaps opened. Shortly after, we had a perfectly smooth and safe landing.
Fortunately, this experience did not evolve into chronic anxiety for my family or me. We all got back on a plane to New Jersey a week later with minimal trepidation; we were OK and have since flown places with emotional ease.
Everyone experiences anxiety differently and for different reasons. It can be challenging to understand, let alone regulate, and requires you to be introspective and aware of your feelings.
If you need some help getting started, ask yourself these questions:
What am I feeling anxious about?
Is it a real threat or does it feel like a real threat?
How have I responded to anxiety in the past?
When else have I been in a situation like this?
What would be different if I was doing the same thing without feeling anxious?
What can I do to help alleviate my anxiety?
How you experience anxiety is different from how I do, which is precisely the reason it's necessary to take the time to answer these questions. Discern whether you are experiencing a real threat or what feels like one, and move through the process of understanding, choosing, and regulating how it is that you manage your anxiety.