Reacting To A Negative Reaction
August 21, 2023
Have you ever told someone something they didn't want to hear? Maybe you delivered news about layoffs or a customer contract not being renewed. Perhaps you told a loved one about a relative passing away, or, of lesser severity but also challenging, limited your children’s social media usage.
Being the messenger of difficult information can be anxiety-provoking, especially when you have concerns about how the person will react. Keep in mind that it’s not only what you say but how you say it that influences a response. Although you can’t control others’ reactions, you can control your own—and that could be the difference between a negative and positive experience.
The Importance of Self-Regulation
Just as someone may feel upset by what you say, you may feel upset by what they say. It's an emotional cycle that can quickly and inaccurately devolve into being blamed for someone else's feelings and reactions when the reality is, as we all know, everyone is responsible for their behavior only.
Here is where self-regulation comes into play. It's the continual effort to responsibly and maturely work through challenges; it’s not acting upon emotionally charged feelings—like anger, hurt, or defensiveness—with reactions that can be hurtful, irresponsible, and regrettable.
Self-Regulation Strategies
Continuing with the scenario that someone may negatively react to what you tell them, do not reciprocate with the same sentiment. Instead, be deliberate and focus on self-regulation with the following strategies.
Breathe: Take a deep breath and help yourself feel calmer and less reactive to what you are hearing.
Listen: Hear what is being said and do not interrupt when the other person is talking.
Pause: Take a break from the heated conversation and return to it later.
Think: Take a moment to think about how you want to react—and consider the other person's perspective.
Empathize: Let the other person know you understand what they are feeling.
Agree to disagree: Seeing eye to eye is not a requirement. It’s okay to move on if you can’t agree.
Self-regulating your behavior relates to far more situations than how you conduct yourself when facing an adverse reaction to someone not liking what you tell them. Call upon these strategies—breathing, listening, pausing, thinking, and empathizing—and be prepared to kindly, respectfully, and productively react to someone’s negative reaction.