Your Way is Not Always the Best Way
August 21, 2021
When you have knowledge and experiences about things someone is trying to achieve, share it with them and let them know what they should be doing to avoid making the same mistakes you once made. After all, your desire to be helpful by sharing your wisdom can make people's lives so much easier, right? Wrong.
Paving an easier path than you had for others is a thoughtful gesture but not necessarily helpful. Your unsolicited advice can limit others from learning how to master essential life skills, such as learning through trial and error, navigating challenges, and asking for help. Assuming there is no health or safety risk to others (or an organization), then – bluntly stated - keep your mouth shut, thoughts to yourself, and do nothing. Intentionally withhold what you would otherwise instinctually say by not inserting yourself into situations for which you weren't invited. It sounds easy to do, but, at that moment, it may not be. It may feel unnatural, uncomfortable, and unhelpful, yes, but keep reminding yourself that your goal is to help others learn how to do the very things that you once learned how to do yourself.
The cliché, "It's not only what you say but how you say it," holds significant weight in situations like this. Your wording, combined with the tone of your voice and body language, influences how others respond to you. If others perceive you as the resident expert who always knows the right way of doing things or lacking trust in their ability to accomplish tasks successfully, chances are they won't be receptive to your suggestions, no matter how great they might be.
Remember that it's in your best interest not to declare your way as the best way when working with colleagues on projects. While your intentions may be good, your impact probably won't be. Your insistence will inevitably contribute to negative experiences, processes, and outcomes, including marginalizing colleagues, by not welcoming nor considering the value of their knowledge, experiences, and ideas.
A critical parenting lesson I learned when my kids were in elementary school was that my thoughts and opinions about how they should be doing their homework, was not necessarily the best way, the right way, or the required way. Case and point – learning multiplication and division. Math is taught differently today and had I insisted that my kids complete assignments using my way, they would have been annoyed with me and have earned lower grades by not doing their work their way.
Before telling others what you believe they should be doing, think about your motivation and behavior. Are you concerned that others would make mistakes? Do you assume that people will appreciate, value, and accept your input? Do you genuinely want to offer support where you believe it could be helpful? Stop automatically sharing your thoughts and allow others the opportunity to make their own decisions, learn from their mistakes, and ask for help. Whether collaborating with colleagues or helping your kids with their homework, remember that the likelihood of your value, support, and assistance being welcomed and appreciated will happen after accepting that doing things your way is not always the best way.
