What Hat Are You Wearing?
January 21, 2022
Relationships evolve naturally—it’s part of life. And sometimes life forces relationships to change in ways you aren’t expecting. Dual-role relationships may come quickly and unexpectedly and can be difficult to navigate.
A dual-role relationship is when two roles exist within one relationship. For example, when your best friend at work gets a promotion and becomes your boss, or you join your family business and your family members become your coworkers. In the case of dual-role relationships, it can be difficult to discern what “hat” to wear when you’re with the other person.
In order to preserve both sides of your relationship, being proactive is recommended. Take action and address your roles with the person upfront. Work together to identify what hat you’ll wear and when and define the expectations of each role. Doing so provides the opportunity to discuss expectations, concerns, and changes in behavior.
Often, relationships don’t start with the need to define multiple roles. The sudden shift to a dual role can be jarring, leaving you frustrated, confused, and wishing you had a guidebook. Sometimes it’s difficult to recognize that you’re struggling to be present in both roles until the relationship is already strained.
Here are some steps you can take to help you navigate a new dual-role relationship:
Accept change. You don’t have to like it, but accepting this new reality is beneficial for your mindset and your relationship overall.
Choose how you will act. You cannot change what others do, but you can choose how you’ll behave in your relationships. Decide how you will manage yourself when you and the other individual are wearing different hats.
Set expectations. Express your expectations for the different hats you’ll be wearing and invite the other person to do the same. Proactively define these instead of assuming you are both thinking the same way.
Communicate. You and the other person are entering uncharted waters when newly in a dual-role relationship. Because you can’t foresee what’s to come, be patient and keep an open line of communication as you and the other person navigate your transitioning roles.
Taking the initiative to discuss your dual roles can be viewed as an act of respect for your relationship. These conversations may be tough, but they’re essential to building and strengthening the foundation of your relationship.
These discussions can also help you grow personally. Don’t avoid talking about what’s on your mind; willingly address your dual-role relationship, even if it feels awkward or uncomfortable. Don’t forget, the other person is juggling their dual role in your life, too.
Be proactive, calm, and thoughtful when having these discussions. Know what you want to say, and think about what you’re trying to accomplish (now and in the future). Express your desire to preserve and protect the relationship that has now been redefined by wearing an added hat.
Making the effort to navigate your new dual-role relationship is an investment in yourself and your relationship. Focus on the process of sharing your thoughts and listening to each other. Whether it feels uncomfortable, awkward, or scary, give yourself permission to feel this way by prioritizing the relationship over your emotional discomfort.
When a new role is added to a relationship, address, acknowledge, and identify the changes and determine what hats you’ll be wearing and when. My question for you as you think about your dual-role relationships is, how do you know what hat you’ll be wearing?
