The Technological Divide
August 21, 2013
The other day while sitting on the couch watching television, I looked over at my husband and suddenly realized that there are many things that come between the two of us. It was a bit of an awakening and something I never before noticed in my marriage. No, I am not talking about infidelity. I am not talking about fighting either. I’m talking about technology. Dividing us at that very time was an iPhone, Blackberry, remote control, laptop and iPad. This was somewhat of a rare occasion too as one of us is usually on a device rather than all of them resting upon their unofficially designated pillow between my husband and myself.
This visual led to my thinking about the various ways that technology is woven into the structure of today’s relationships. For example, arguments that were previously addressed face-to-face and with spoken words are more and more often addressed through texting and email. Issues stemming from the acceptance of Facebook friendship requests to interpreting texts differently than its intended context, to not replying fast enough to emails, have become commonplace topics of discussions in my work too.
The technological divide is enhanced by the instant gratification culture we live in today. For example, when the smart phone bings, dings, rings or vibrates, people are prompted to stop talking or listening and address whatever it is that was sent their way. After all, it could be a work issue that cannot wait until the next business day, let alone another minute. It might even be the long awaited reply back from a friend about plans for the next week. Either way, the interruption lends itself to sending an unspoken message that any assortment of sounds coming from a phone takes precedent over the couple’s conversation. Combine that over time with an already challenged relationship and technology can easily become another additive to a troubled twosome.
I am not blaming technology for relationship issues rather I am suggesting that already existing issues in relationships can be intensified or exposed as a result of the choices people make regarding the ways that they use technology. Issues around trust, jealousy, rejection and abandonment, to name a few, are often pre-existing thematic concerns that can be exacerbated by technology, not caused by technology. Recognizing this connection between relationships and technology can help people consider how they behave and how they may want to behave differently.
For me, the visualization and realization while sitting on my couch has led to me thinking about the role that technology plays in my own life and marriage. It has also prompted me to examine the ways I communicate with my husband as well as how and when I use my different devices. Most importantly, it has motivated me to work on myself so that I can do my best to ensure that today’s technological culture does not impact my marriage via a technological divide.