Personal LeadeRSHIP: Unlocking Your Potential Relationships, Self, Happiness, Influence, Processing (4 of 4)
July 21, 2022
A theme discussed throughout the Personal Leadership: Unlocking Your Potential blog series is prioritizing yourself over others. Some think of this as selfish behavior, but we don't. We believe it's necessary and that choosing to live by your core values and belief system is essential to your overall well-being. It doesn't mean you always do or get what you want – that would be selfish! Instead, it means considering your responsibilities and commitments when choosing what, when, and how you do the things you do.
The final five concepts discussed are relationships, self, happiness, influence, and process. Combined with the first 13, they are your Personal Leadership's foundation. Use the corresponding downloadable pages to finalize your Personal Leadership framework. Review it. Refer to it. And let it be an ongoing reminder of how you want to manage your Personal Leadership.
R is for Relationships: building long-lasting connections
Relationships are long-lasting when they include trust, mutual respect, and honest communication. They are short-lived, however, when they are one-sided, deceitful, and manipulative. As you have likely experienced before, what you put into your relationships is reflected back in what you receive.
Your Personal Leadership influences how you participate in your relationships. Because not all relationships are of equal importance, not all warrant the same level of engagement and expectation. For example, how you interact with your family differs from your colleagues and doctors. Each relationship calls for different levels of personal investment, but all require doing your part in forming the connection that each is worthy of receiving and you desire.
Coaching: Marie had always worked for people who were supportive of her professional growth and interested in helping her through challenges. Therefore, when she shared a concern with her new boss, Marie wasn't surprised by the support she received. However, a few weeks later, she felt blindsided when her words were twisted and used against her. Unsure of how to proceed, Marie spent the subsequent coaching sessions addressing concerns about working for a boss she no longer trusted. She knew moving forward would require a new role at the company where she had enjoyed working for the past seven years. After speaking with the HR Director, a gentleman with whom she's had a positive relationship, the HR Director worked with her to find a new position, which turned out also to be a promotion working in another department
When thinking about how your Personal Leadership influences your relationships, ask yourself the following questions:
Who are the most important people to me (personally and professionally)?
What do I expect from myself when engaging with each of these people?
How am I contributing to the overall value of each relationship?
What can I be doing to enhance the value received from each relationship?
S is for Self: responsibly doing what is right for you
Self is essential to your Personal Leadership; it’s living authentically and in accordance with your core values. It includes self-awareness, self-care, self-confidence, self-motivation, and self-responsibility.
Your sense of self encompasses your individuality and ability to make decisions that align with your beliefs, wants, and needs. It’s reflective of your broader goals and responsibilities and sometimes means choosing to do (or not do) less advantageous things in the short run yet in your best interest in the long run.
Coaching: Jose is a Project Manager who has always enjoyed his job, despite working long hours. He was challenged, however, at the start of the pandemic when his hours became even longer. He initially accepted this when it was temporary, yet when the weeks turned into months, he began feeling burned out. Jose knew something had to change because he was now spending the time that he previously used commuting or at the gym for work. He had no distinguishable separation from his personal and professional life and missed his downtime. Through his coaching work, Jose realized (self-awareness) that he would only feel better if he made changes for himself (self-responsibility). He established a new routine that included boundaries with his work and home life and resumed his exercise routine (self-care). He felt empowered by his ability to make changes (self-confidence) and was reenergized and productive at work (self-motivation).
When thinking about (your)self and your Personal Leadership, ask yourself the following questions:
What does having a “sense of self” mean to me?
How do my core values guide my decision-making?
Am I a self-confident person? How can I become more self-confident?
What can I be doing to enhance my sense of self?
H is for Happiness: the emotional outcome of your experiences
Happiness is an emotional experience describing how you feel at a particular moment. Be it about something you've done, are doing, planning to do, or feeling proud of something you've learned and completed, these emotional experiences lead to feeling happy when combined with your Personal Leadership.
Your happiness is not solely dependent upon the outcome of your efforts. Even when things don't turn out as planned, you can (and hopefully will) feel joy about your efforts. In other words, your willingness to go there – to do hard things, make difficult decisions, and try new things – are self-imposed opportunities that contribute to your happiness regardless of what happens.
Coaching: Ananya initiated coaching when she felt stuck in her job as a staff accountant. She wanted to advance her career but knew that overcoming her insecurities and passive nature first had to happen. Over the next several months, she made deliberate efforts to step out of her comfort zone and show up at work with more motivation and engagement. Ananya began soliciting more work, developing stronger client relationships, and communicating differently with her colleagues – she asked more questions and offered her opinions. Better than the praise she received from her boss and discussions about being promoted within the next year, Ananya was excited about feeling more comfortable and confident with herself and happily surprised by feeling happier in her professional and personal life.
When thinking about your happiness and Personal Leadership, ask yourself the following questions:
What have I done that contributes to my happiness in the past or now?
When have I felt happiness for my efforts, despite the outcome not being as desired?
What am I avoiding that I would like to be doing, learning about, or experiencing?
How can I stop avoiding this and start motivating myself to get out of my comfort zone?
I is for Influence: understanding your ability to impact others
Influencing others is another outcome of your Personal Leadership. It's knowing that your verbal and non-verbal communication contributes to the varying ways others may respond to you. There are no guarantees for what you'll receive in return, but know that how you engage with others influences how they will engage with you.
Remember the adage, it's not what you say but how you say it? Yes, your words matter. So do your tone of voice, body language, and facial expressions. Whether feeling excited, anxious, or anywhere in between, it's necessary to understand that your mood influences how you communicate, which influences how others communicate with you.
Coaching: Kendra is a rising leader at her organization and a self-described opinionated person who believes sharing her thoughts and recommendations is always helpful to others. She prided herself on being direct and to the point and couldn't understand how others perceived her as harsh and rude. When her manager referred Kendra to me for coaching, she was first confused and upset but eventually understood how her peers negatively received her well-intended input. She was motivated to make changes and wanted to be a positive influence on others; she worked at being more discerning with what she said and how she said it. Kendra began communicating with a more welcoming tone and kinder words, and she no longer assumed that others wanted to hear her input. Eventually, the same people trying to avoid Kendra at all costs started valuing what she had to offer and soliciting her feedback. Kendra's coaching engagement helped her understand that she needs to be deliberate in what she says and how she says it to be the positive influence on others that she desires to be.
When thinking about your Personal Leadership and how you can influence others, ask yourself the following questions:
To whom do I have an influence? (personally and professionally)
How am I influencing them?
What kind of influence do I want to have on others?
Who influences me? How?
P is for Processing: your experiences leading up to the outcome
Processing is essential to advancing your Personal Leadership; it's the lessons learned about yourself when reviewing, summarizing, analyzing, and critiquing your experiences when working to (hopefully) achieve your goals. This concept focuses less on the outcome but on what happened from when you started to just before you finished.
Processing thrives on curiosity. Recall and reflect upon your experiences by asking yourself a broad range of questions and using them as learning opportunities to help make future decisions. Ask yourself, for example, if this experience was what you anticipated it to be? Was it worth your time? What did you most enjoy? Not enjoy? Learn? How well was your preparation? What obstacles did you face? Did you anticipate them? Should you have? How did you address them? Did you ask others for help when you needed it? Did others offer help and support? Did this goal overtake your life? Did this take (too much) time away from your personal life? Your self-care? Did you continue fulfilling other responsibilities and commitments? Would you choose to do this again if you could? What would you change? Not change?
Coaching: When Stefano, a Project Manager of a mid-sized company, shared in his coaching sessions how proud he was of the outcome and appreciation for the recognition received after completing a company-wide project, he also expressed intense dissatisfaction with the overall experience. He was often frustrated by his colleagues' failure to meet their deliverables on time, if at all. He often felt childish when following up, so, in several instances, he decided that it was easier to do the work himself. Stefano also faced external delays and intense pressure to meet the deadline for going live with the project, which led to working late many nights and on most weekends. He was often late to pick up his kids when it was his night or weekend, and he was saddened by not being emotionally present with them. Despite feeling confident about his ability to complete challenging projects, Stefano decided he would not accept future ones of similar magnitude as he's not willing to risk having similar experiences again.
When processing your experiences and thinking about your Personal Leadership, ask yourself the following questions:
Was the effort I invested to (hopefully) achieve my goal worth it?
What parts of this experience were impactful and most enjoyable for me?
What didn’t go as I anticipated? How did I handle that?
What did I learn about myself that will be useful when working toward my next goal?
The Personal Leadership: Unlocking Your Potential blog series focused on providing a framework for being the best version of yourself possible. We hope you continually benefit from the personalized framework created by answering the questions related to the 18 concepts on their corresponding downloadable pages.
As we conclude this blog series, we leave you with this: Set goals. Make decisions. Behave responsibly. Avoid distractions. Get organized. Do what’s right. Be proactive. Learn from what you do. Help others learn, too. Try new things. Keep growing. Stay focused. Welcome change. Stay connected. Prioritize yourself. Find happiness. Know your impact. Enjoy the journey!